“We have done everything there is to do together, should we just get married now?”
You might be asking these types of questions because you feel your relationship is in a rut. You might not be fighting or arguing but you aren’t feeling the spark you had when you first started dating either. Here’s the secret though, slow and steady relationships make it far in life.
Sometimes, you want to make the most of what a new relationship can offer. Choosing someone and experiencing new things together is oftentimes better than enjoying the novelty of a new relationship.
You probably have a list of everything you ever want to experience together and are bent on checking off every single item. In the end, you fail to relax and savor the simple joys of love and companionship.
Now if you are in a relationship rut and want to find ways to deal with this, here are some useful tips on how to slow down:
Before making any big changes, you both have to take a good hard look at yourselves.
There are many reasons why you need to slow down.
Talk about your problems with your partner and ask her if there is anything she doesn’t like or anything she wants to change. You can also do the same to her and tell her what you feel is not working.
Oftentimes it’s when a couple is hiding something from their partners and bottling it up until that secret they were hiding explodes and affects the whole relationship.
Examples of this could be:
If your partner thinks the relationship is too boring and wants to do more exciting stuff together
You were having problems with commitment as a whole
One partner was putting in more effort and it felt one-sided
A good solution to fixing your “relationship rut” is to step out of your comfort zone.
Do this by being more spontaneous on your date nights and the time you spend with each other.
Eating at home too often can get old fast, so set weekly date nights in different restaurants. And to make things interesting, occasionally surprise her with your awesome home-cooking skills.
You could also try going out with your groups of friends. There you can meet new people and personalities which can lessen the repetitive mood of a traditional date together.
Aside from growing together as a couple, giving each other space can lessen the stress of expectations.
Give each other room to work on personal goals and hobbies.
While doing them with your partner is good, there are still some things you still want to do by yourself. Respect each other’s “me” time and don’t be offended if they prefer to work on their goals or hobbies alone.
Setting aside room for yourself and your partner to grow individually is a healthy way to evaluate your individual emotions and have better control over them. That helps you in your personal relationships with others.
Slow and steady relationships don’t rush to reach milestones. Instead of going through them one after another, you can extend and enjoy each milestone.
Instead of thinking about huge milestones like living together or meeting the in-laws, you can hold it off until you are both ready to take the next step forward.
Focus on doing things together that don’t go too ahead in the future. If you want to plan where you want to take her for your next date night, or maybe if she wants you to accompany her to a work party then keep it consistent with each other.
Take baby steps moving forward in your relationship. And communicate with each other if ever you are ready to take the next step.
Taking it slow is not a bad thing. For some relationships, taking it slow in the relationship can actually help move forward your relationship.
When you learn how to take it slow by supporting each other but also respecting your own independence you can find a balance in your relationship.
And hopefully, you can dig yourself out of that relationship rut.
This story was originally published on Medium: Slow And Steady Wins The Relationship
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